What to Do When a Squirrel Gets in the House

Some people think squirrels are so cute - obviously they have never had an uninvited squirrel in their home. Squirrels are dirty, smelly, nasty rodents and can be very destructive, which is not so cute.

Some helpful hints in case a squirrel gets in your house.
1. Don't Panic (easier said than done).
2. Hope it gets somewhere out in the open (and not stuck in a wall or duct).
3. Get a live trap - call the local Animal Control during normal work hours M-F, otherwise the local police will show up and scare the crap out of your neighbors
4. Set the trap and put crackers with peanut butter in it.
5. Hope the squirrel is hungry for peanut butter and stupid enough to go for it in the trap.
6. Make sure the house pets are up to date with their rabies vaccinations.

If you catch the squirrel in the trap...
1. Don't Panic!
2. Cover the trap with a towel or something to keep the squirrel (and you) calm as you carry it outside.
3. Take the trap 50...no, 500 miles away from the place trapped and let it go.
4. Find the place where the squirrel entered and fill it with dense concrete and cover with 3" thick sheet metal panels.
5. Buy a live Owl to perch near where the squirrel entered.
6. Pray the squirrel cannot trek 500 miles to get back to your house.
7. Buy industrial cleaner and air freshener to clean up where the squirrel and the trap had been (and try and keep your pets away from there, too)

If you don't catch the squirrel...
1. Don't Panic!
2. Hope it goes away.
3. Hope it dies.
4. Hope it doesn't smell too bad.

If the squirrel comes back...
1. Don't Panic!
2. Pray that it will get hit by a car (Dear God, of all the dead squirrels in the road why can't one be mine?)
3. Really consider buying an Owl - a helium balloon has been working this week.
4. Really consider putting up sheet metal siding - the squirrel has chewed through the wood shingle siding as easy as butter.

As of Monday the squirrel has not been back - or it has been really quiet. Thank God!